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Ready to be Bummed Out...?


Both of my parents died fairly recently. It's been roughly a year. It's got me thinking. And, no. That's not why you smelled something burning. What is to become of us? After we pass, it's only a generation or two before we are forgotten. I mean, really. How long does it last? It kinda bothers me that we'll be nothing but a collection of stories and a few possessions, perhaps. Even celebrities. After a while, granted usually a bit longer than someone of my standing, people will stop thinking of them. That is until they are revived by some hipster's obsession with obscurity. However, a lot of us won't have that luxury. I mean a bunch of us. Really. It's a lot. Butt it's the way of things and passing on is part of it all. And we all have to, or at least should, accept it. It's not like any of us will have much to say about it after we go.


I got an idea from the interwebs. The ol' Information Super Highway. Remember when the internet was called that? Pepperidge Farm remembers. My nephew has sung songs at both my mom and my dad's funeral. Dude's talented beyond anything. Anyway, my sister mentioned he should go on the road singing at funerals. I mentioned my niece could go along, too, and stand off in the distance with, like, one of those big, dramatic hats and those big, dramatic sunglasses. Because, you see, Bob died a boring, old accountant. Now he lives on as Robert, a man with secrets.


And this, boys and girls and whatever else, is how I come to terms with my own mortality. We here, we do, we die. It be how it do. Philosopher, Kyle Kinane, brings a good point to the table by saying that things like epitaphs are yours. They can say whatever you want. "Here lies X. Born 19XX. Died in your arms tonight. It must've been something you said." Only a handful of people will see it, and maybe you'll brighten up the day of a passerby on an otherwise solemn day. I feel that obituaries are the same. Those things are a racket. I'll get into that another time. Or I won't. I can't honestly say right now. I've told my wife to, yes say nice things, but not to oversell it. I've seen some shitty people get glowing reviews. Put something funny. Make up an awkward reason of death. The things are expensive, only a handful of people will see it. Make it a story to remember. That's how I see it, anyway. You do you.


Do you DO! feel like I do? Existential dread seems to be en vogue these days.


Image credit: https://imgur.com/gallery/2PSJ8. I'm sure you can find it there somewhere. Main bullet point is that I didn't do the image.

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