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I Remember When...


I dunno... Maybe it's just me, buuut... Has anyone else gotten older lately? It's like, I used to go to the store with my daughter and she would point at the Depends and snicker at me and I would look onward, stoicly, and say, "not yet." Nowadays, if she does that, I look onward stoicly and say, "we're close."


A friend asked me when I officially considered myself old. I tells him when I earnestly said to a stranger, "I remember when this cost..." I was at a convenience store getting a pop. Pop. Might as well try that on. Anyway. A person walks in gives the clerk a 20. Says they need 20 on pump whatever. I says to the clerk, I tells 'em I says, "I remember when..." old people speak for things are different now and I don't like it. "...a person would give a 20 and say they'd be back for their change." No sooner than I said this that I felt the cold shade of chronology cast over me. You know like when a cold front is rolling in, but not a good, "it's September and the first cool gusts of fall are coming in while I'm mowing the yard," but one of those the clouds are too dark and it's drizzling and the only thought you can muster is, "fuck, it's gonna be cold?" Like well diggers gathered around a witches tit for warmth this thing grabbed me and I was like, "Oooh nooo..."


I used to think my dad was so old when I'd ask for 20 bux to go to a movie and grab dinner with my gal. My sweetie on my arm. I might as well give in. Already got my back wheels into it. Anywhoozle... He'd regale me of tales of his youth where he'd ride the bus to the theater, get a ticket, a pop, some popcorn, and ride the bus home for a quarter and have change. I was like, "Times, they are a-changin." But now I constantly have the cost thought. I usually keep it under my hat, but sometimes I grouse with my fellow oldsters.


My friend also asked me when I started needing peepers. Reading glasses to the layman. To which my retort was, "Suddenly." It was about a year, year and a half ago, I was looking at the side of a box of pasta for the cook time and I realized, "Hey. I can't see this." And I keep buying a metric shit load of readers spreading pairs of reading glasses across the land like some kinda Johnny Reading-glasses-seed. Sunrise, sunset.


I dunno... Maybe it's just me...




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